I want to expand on what we talked about last week by pointing out the energetic COST of listening to the “devil” voice of internalized patriarchy. As we talked about last week, we can’t pour from an empty cup, and when we’re giving from a place of sacrifice, of neglecting our own needs and “digging deep” to look after others when we’re already feeling depleted, we are giving from a place of 1-1=0. There is nothing left to give.
On the other hand, when we’ve filled our own cup first by looking after our own needs and giving from a place of overflow, the math changes. 1+1=2. We might be engaging in the exact same activities, as when we were giving from a place of sacrifice, but the ENERGY is different. We’ve tended to our own needs FIRST, and we’re able to give from an energy of overflow, rather than an energy of extraction and depletion.
In my experience, the key difference is self care. This was a central topic to our conversation in my Navigating Menopause Together group last week. We talked about how internalized patriarchy (“devil”) is almost shouting in our ear “How DARE you take time for yourself!?!?”, “You’re being so selfish!!”. We’ve been taught by our culture to put everyone else’s needs above our own. But it’s not true! It’s cultural gaslighting, and it’s not true!
When we listen to the gaslighting, patriarchy “devil” voice in our heads, we put our own needs last and do what all “good girls” do. We look after everyone else. But like we talked about last week, we can’t pour from an empty cup, as we can see from the energetic math: 1-1=0. Zero. Nothing. Empty. Depleted.
On the other hand, when we tend to our own needs by listening to our bodies and nurturing our spirits, we fill our own cup FIRST, and the math changes. 1+1=2. We see the beginning of surplus. We begin to refill our cups, and as we continue to do this, there is more and more energy to give … and we are able to give from a place of overflow. And giving becomes a JOY, which pours back into our cup, creating even more overflow. More energy. More love. More aliveness.
When looked at from a place of energetic math, it becomes clear that self care isn’t selfish. It’s ESSENTIAL! Tending to our own needs becomes an act of rebellion against patriarchal conditioning! And as we each carve our time for ourselves, we begin to normalize self care so it’s easier for other women to say “no” to the long list of “shoulds”, and instead carve out an hour for themselves to fill their own cup. The more we collectively engage in this act of rebellion against that “devil” voice of internalized patriarchy, the more we shift the cultural narrative to one that values each of us as human beings.
So, dear sister, are you willing to join the rebellion? Are you willing to make time for yourself? To care for your beautiful body that carries you through the world? To do something that brings you joy simply because you enjoy it? To put on your own oxygen mask FIRST before trying to help everyone else on the plane 😉
And I encourage you not to do this alone. It’s so easy for our cultural conditioning to take over and pull us back into old habits of looking after everyone else. Find an accountability buddy, or create a group chat with friends and do a check-in with each other once a week by text/email where you commit to taking one hour to doing something for yourself. Something for YOU. Something that brings you joy or that fills your cup. If you don’t know where to start, take an hour once a week and go for a walk in nature or meet up with a girlfriend for coffee. It can be really simple. The main point is that you’re doing it for yourself. To tell yourself that you matter. That your needs are important too. That doing something for yourself is an act of rebellion against our cultural conditioning of overgiving, and that you are choosing to join the rebellion!
What will you be doing this week to join the rebellion? I’d love to know. We’re in this together sister!
Until next week,
Shana