Last week marked the one year anniversary of when I left my practice because I was suffering from “burnout”. I’d arrived at my breaking point in August 2020 but had to keep going, had to keep pushing myself for 9 long, challenging months. At the end of April 2021, I finally turned over the reins to two lovely young doctors who took over my practice.
I had naively thought that when I left I would feel better. I was so wrong. I felt far from okay. I felt broken and defeated. I felt like a deflated balloon blowing around in the wind but as the primary income earner, I had to figure out a way forward. I had arranged to work part time assisting with surgery in the Operating Room to help pay the bills. I also continued to work on a big project that I’d started early in the pandemic, trying to improve mental health supports for postpartum people in our community. It all felt so hard. I’d been pushing myself so much, for so long and I was so tired.
Looking back now, it’s almost hard to believe I’m the same person. A year ago I felt irreparably broken, but it’s amazing what happens as we move through the healing process. It’s been a tough year. There have been a lot of tears shed and I’ve had to work through a lot of really uncomfortable emotions. As I’ve moved through this process, I can feel my resilience returning. I can handle a lot more than I used to. I’m able to support and comfort myself when difficult situations and emotions arise. I’ve even started taking on more clinical work, helping my former colleagues covering maternity shifts at the hospital. As I move through this process, I feel lighter and more capable every day. I won’t lie and say it’s all sunshine and rainbows, but I’m much more resilient than I used to be.
Now I am building a business. One that I’m building from my heart. One that resonates with who I am as a person and that my soul is guiding me to step into.
It’s been a heck of a year, one of the most challenging of my life, but it’s helped me get to where I am now and for that I will be forever grateful.